Fifty and Counting

Sometimes there is so much to say that I can only say nothing. Other times there is nothing to say really and I open my mouth and say something anyway. When a person is a talker as I am it is inevitable that putting my foot in my mouth on a regular basis is and will be the way of my life, but it doesn't negate that when I do speak that I don't know what I am talking about.

I have the uncanny ability to perceive exactly what is wrong with me and on many levels; it also extends to understanding the whys and wheretos of others behaviors as well. Much of it is common sense and some of it is due to so many life experiences that I have had in this fifty years of my life.

Yet I feel so stuck in this rut that I have been in since I realized that my surgery had failed to do for me what I was so counting on. And even though I remain grateful that I have found a way to manage my pain, I am so discouraged to even try again to get my life back on track. In other words just knowing what is wrong and why and what I should do about it does not mean that I will actually do anything about it. I suspect that many others find themselves doing the same thing: knowing what is up, knowing what they should do, and allowing themselves to do nothing about it.

Even for something as simple as writing on my blog. I read a lot about current events, know a bit of what is going on and have my own opinions on the issues of the day, but get so lazy to even post here. I mean, the categories are endless on what I can write about and the last time I wrote here was June 6! Here we are at the end of July already!

In the meantime, my mother-in-law died suddenly and my husband and one of our sons is in California right now helping to put things in order so that her body can be flowin back here and plans can be made on what the best thing to do for his dad might be. There is so much to do when death comes, especially suddenly. It really makes me think that my affairs should be in order. Actually, I don't have any affairs to put in order! Ha-ha!!

On a serious note, all I need to do is have our will updated. I own nothing of monentary value and all I own my sons are welcome to. I don't think that Phil, Akai, and Nick would be spiteful or nasty but would be amicable about any of my stuff that they might want. Thank God. I am grateful to God, for real, that despite my mistakes none of my sons harbor any hate and spite towards me like my husband's two older children do; children who when they were teenagers were well established in cruelty and spite as well as manipulation. I feared for my sons as they grew and am thankful again, that they were spared having to deal with the deep jealousy, anger and meanspiritedness of those two. I hope and pray that they, my stepchildren, get healing for themselves and learn to forgive, but I (was) am not fool enough (and wasn't after the discovery of their evil intent) to allow them to have anything to do wth these boys of mine due to some misguided and blind thinking that because they are related they should be part of their lives. God help me but people like them scare me. My sons are now grown and are well aware of what kind of people those two are, but we have to update our will to ensure the protection of our boys in case those two have spent these passed years that we haven't heard from them in by growing their hate some more (as if that were possible since they seemed to be at the epitome already!).

That was pretty random as well as quite meandering. 8-)

Time moves TOO fast...

We are more than halfway through the month of July and I haven't posted a lick of a line about anything in my life or any of my opinions about so many things that I have opinions about!

It is Tuesday night and we are being bombarded by hail the size of quarters! It is being driven sideways by the winds that are accompanying these storms smack up against the windows and doors. I am curious to see what kind of damage the hail may have done to our vehicles, but that will have to wait till tomorrow. Supposedly these storms are the deliverers of the cold front bringing a break in the heat wave that we have been in the grips of. I sure hope so! I have been swimming in our pool every day for a while now and Sunday, Monday, and today, Tuesday, and the water has been getting warmer and warmer with each passing day. Today it was a whopping 92 degrees! That is like a sauna bath! But we have been in every day since the concern about the water being too cold to go into has not been a concern for many a day! Ha-ha!!

I have all the computers off (we have a couple in the house what with my mom's and my husband's work computer as well as the two desktop ones that we have. I am on my laptop running off the battery with no plug in the wall at all and using the wireless connection. The lightning is completely lighting up the night sky and the doppler shows that there are more bands of intense rains still to come.

Ny husband is on his way into the Philly areaa nd hopefully driving away from this craziness! Of course we are left behind here to deal with it. 8-) I don't mind really, as long as we don't lose power, or if we do, that we don't lose it for too long. We always meant to get a generator, but never quite go around to it. Oh well.

It looks like I have a major project of cleaning up the pool tomorrow. Before it got dark, I could see all sorts of debris floating around in there. It will have to wait though, till I return from a trip to purchase our school materials for the next school year...already! We start in approximately a month! Though I keep forgetting that the air conditioning in the truck stopped working over the weekend which, every time that I remember makes me not want to go out in the truck anywhere! At least it isn't supposed to be as hot tomrrow as it has been, though without air conditioning one can only imagine what a hot seat it is in a vehicle with leather seats.

Well, that is the plan for tomorrow, so we will see if the plan is put into action. And then we will see if I journal whether or not I put that plan into effect. 8-)

Dang!

It is July 1st! July 1st! That means that I haven't posted here since June 6th; 24 days!

The thing is that I have a lot to say, and often! Why I chose to not post is anyone's guess. Even so, here I am, posting, as well as trying not to think about the fact that I pay for this site and have a really, really lot to say that isn't getting said; at least not here!

Yikes!

On the flip side though, starting Monday, July 10h, I will be returning to volunteer work at Gateway Pregnancy Center. www.gateway.org