Honoring Our Mothers And Our Fathers

In my son's Life Management class there is excellent information given on how exactly we are supposed to honor our parents. The trouble is that we as children, teenagers mostly, sit in judgment on our parents, dis their advice and trash their experience as of no consequence to what we are dealing with or facing. This in turn heaps troubles on our own heads, though we would probably be loathe to admit it or face it.

There are one or two web journals that I read written by teenagers, one who is fourteen and the other who is sixteen, both females. I read them ever other week or so because they are so dang depressing and so judgmental of their parents that it is hard to take on a regular basis. Yet, out of the other side of their mouths they stand tall and strong on how various adults, groups and individuals are against homosexuality instead of tolerant, like themselves! It is sheer hypocrisy to make way for understanding, acceptance and indeed tolerance of homosexuality, yet have not a shred of tolerance for your own parents. Their parents get cursed out, mocked and ridiculed, mainly, it seems from reading the stuff they write, for not living up to whatever the expectations are of them, expectations set by these young people. (though neither of these young people clarify what and where the parents failed them exactly). I am sure if these two young people were to apply some of the rhetoric they use for homosexuality they might put themselves in the parent's place for just a moment and gain a hair of insight into their intolerance and hostility to their own parent(s).

As a parent and a former teen I have the advantage over these young people, a fact that many young people outright reject (how intolerant of them), though it is known and accepted that this is the truth.

The thing is that our parents are not perfect and they take on this responsibility of caring another human life, and a helpless one at that, with no instruction book whatsoever. Mainly what they get is told many things by many people on how to do many things so that their head is spinnning and they can hardly think.

True too are that some parents yell, scream, and beat their children, or ignore, neglect or rarely show them any affection. Then there are parents who try to be hip and their children's friend, or others that make decisions on what to do with their children with the goal of having their children 'like' them. Others try to be balanced in all they do as a parent, try to be affectionate, spend time playing with their child and cuddling, and others go a little overboard and attend every mommy and me event, sign up their children for the elite preschool, get their child the 'best' friends and live vicariously through their child. Some abandon their children, some treat their children as property, while others treat their children as lives entrusted to them to care for, to watch over and to guide on the right way to go in life.

In all those words I used, what I am saying is that there are all kinds of parents, none of which are perfect. Even the most balanced and caring, loving parent can and will make mistakes. It happens to everyone. Why then are these teens, a small sampling of youth with this prevalent attitude among their age group, so harsh and intolerant of these people, their parents? I do have some ideas on that but I want to head in another direction, that direction being myself on both ends of that spectrum, having resented my mother and father as a teen as well as been a parent whom a teen has resented. Keep in mind that I am writing as I am thinking on this, so paragraph cohesion is not a priorty.

The young ladies flame at their parents giving them no room for error whatsoever and clearly it seems like the parents are in a lose lose. If they only knew what their children write about them I do believe their hearts would break. While they pay bills and mortgages and rents and hold jobs to pay all this, buy computers, pay tuitions, go on vacations, buy food, buy food, buy food, food that they clearly don't eat all by themselves, electricity that they don't use up all by themselves, etc. Yet the parents get no respect, no room for error, and are barely tolerated, and when tolerated it's because of food, computers, vacations, etc.

In the next breath these young people make allowance and room for any and all persons given to various odd sexual behavior, allowing wide margins for acceptance with no errors and a clear win win for these highly sexualized human beings in the opinion of these young people.

Now I don't write this as judgment, because as I pointed out, I was a teen like that and did wrong by my mom and my dad. As time goes on I fully intend on opening up more of some of that stuff, but I want to get on with this a bit more before I have to stop and go make dinner. 8-)

Many of the mistakes that I, as a parent, made had to do with where my focus was and that was usually on my self. I wonder how many teens are comfortable with having that in common with parents like me? After all, many of today's teens, with the encouragement and full blessing of many adults (thankee Planned Parenthood and the like), are focused entirely on 'me' 'me' 'me'. Some youth may want to rationalize it away by saying that parent's should be focused on their child, teens are supposed to be focused on self, etc., but that is not true. Do you think that one day when that youth becomes a parent that they suddenly snap out of self serving living into selfless giving? I don't think so. Any honest with themselves person would have to agree. So what happens when we as selfish teens snap judge our parents for doing wrong by us via their selfish decisions that affect us is bring that judgment right down on our own heads, while we continue to blame our parents all along the way! In order to live a selfless and giving life you must have put that living style into practice or it will not happen.

All this is wrapped up in the 'honoring our parents' message, you see, because if we honored our parents as we are called to do, and tolerated them even a tiny iota as much as we tolerate people we don't even know and who have never sacrificed a single thing on our behalf, then we wouldn't have such disdain for our parents as these two young people seem to have. Selah.