Randomness and Generalization
Just in general I realize that I haven't posted a dang there here in my blog in close to a month. It is odd when one considers wha a wordy person I happen to me. I have thoughts and opinions on a wide range of topics that I hardly take the time to write down anymore. Part of the reason for that I think is how stupidly sensitive I suddenly seem to be about almost everything. I spent a chunk of years not really caring if anyone agreed with me or not, so I know that is probably all tied into this menopausal stuff. And somehow knowing that doesn't make me feel any better, well, it does a little, but not enough to let it roll off my back like I used to be able to. I just hate this crying stuff cause it makes me all like things bother me when they don't. I also spent many years being considerate of others feelings when I knew that my opinions might hurt or offend someone else. I am a firm believer in the truth, but not in shoving it down someone's throat. There is a time and a place for everything. In the meantime, I hate that I have negleced m blog like I have and I wish I could make a promise that I will do better, but I can't.
Almost all my days are tainted with pain that creeps into all my pleasureable moments. It helps somewhat to know that some of the mood swing/sad feelings are part of my body and mind dealing with this menopause, so that is a good thing. But I so much enjoy working with the soil and my plants and that pain, it just creeps into my mind, kind of like a slow growing vine that winds itself around a healthy tree and slowing sucks the life out of it. Now put that vine on film that you can speed up and you get a semi idea of what it is like for me to deal with pain in my life as I try to enjoy those things I used to love to do at what seems like such a long time ago. I mean, I feel like I am getting some of my life back, in bits and pieces I think, but there is still so much I cannot or haven't tried to do again and I get impatient for those things, which threatens depression if I linger my thoughts on it too long. So there I am transplanting my plants, moving soil to a pot, pulling out the plant out and tapping the root system before placing into the new pot. By easy estimate that takes maybe twenty minutes or so, but multiply that five plants and before you know it the aching pain in my legs is intensifying to the point where I am reminded that I need to site dwon. All this on medication too, which is another reason why depression is crouching at my door looking to have me. I used to mentally acknowledge that there is a certain amount of pain in ones life to help balance, but when this happened to, I had to redefine what exactly that meant to someone who dealt with pain all day and most nights. I actually give myself a little credit for having come this far, but I really wish to get farther than this. Won't someone help me please?